Ideals of Spiritual Friendship - Mutuality

Mutuality

One important difference between friendship and other relationships of care is the presence of some degree of mutuality. I can offer support, counseling or ministry to someone who doesn’t offer anything in exchange, but I can be a friend only to someone who offers the same in return. Friends offer each other what they receive from each other. This reciprocal nature of friendship marks it as distinct from all other relationships of care.

The mutuality that was present in Jesus’ friendship with his disciples is truly remarkable. He didn’t invite them only to be followers but to be friends. And beyond this, he didn’t just offer to be their friend but invited them to be his. Recognizing that friendship are supposed to be mutual and reciprocal, we feel betrayed and used when they aren’t. We complain when we are always on the giving end of a friendship, never on the receiving end. Such a relationship may have depth and significance and may be worthy of being called a relationship of soul care. But we set ourselves up for frustration when we view it as a friendship, for then we expect mutuality. It would be much better to view it as a relationship of ministry or service, in which I give care but don’t expect any in return.

Viewing everyone to whom I extend Christian charity as a friend dilutes the concept of friendship. Similarly, viewing all relationships of pastoral care or Christian nurture as friendships introduces an element of dishonesty. Mutuality, at least at the levels experienced and expected by friends, does not form a part of most relationships of Christian ministry.

The mutuality of a friendship is based on a rhythm in which the giving and the receiving of each will balance over time, not within a given day or week or even a month. But friendships aren’t primarily relationships of care. Primarily they are relationships of soul intimacy. Friends care for each other when this is needed, but that caring isn’t the only dimension of the relationship. If it becomes so, if the mutuality is lost and the shared exploration of the world that was originally motivated by being kindred spirit is missing, the relationship has shifted from a soul friendship to something else.

Mutuality does not mean equality. What Jesus offered the disciples was different from what the disciples offered Jesus. He was the spiritual teacher, they were the students. And yet he called them his friends. It was a relationship of intimacy and mutuality, even if it wasn’t a relationship of equality.

Ideals of Spiritual Friendship - Intimacy

Intimacy

When people long for friendships that are more meaningful, they want someone with whom they can be known with the freedom and honesty I have described. And they want to know the other person in the same deep ways. In short, they want intimacy. Jesus’ offer of friendship is an offer of intimacy. He wants to share our lives and share our experience. Most remarkably, he invites us to share his life and his experience.

Consider how astounding it was that Jesus shared his anguish in the garden of Gethsemane with his disciples (Mat 26:36-46). First, note that he didn’t go to the garden alone. We might assume that his friendship with his Father would have been enough and that he would simply share his feelings with him in prayer. But no, he took three of his disciples when he went to this garden to deal with what he knew to be his imminent arrest and crucifixion. Listen, then, to what he shared with them in the garden. The honesty and intimacy of the conversation is remarkable. He told them that his soul was bursting within him, overwhelmed with sorrow. And he told them he was close to not being able to take it any longer; he was at the point of death. Then he asked them to keep watch with him – to share his experience.

Intimacy is shared experience. Jesus shared his experience with those who were his closest friends. And he invited them to accompany him as he walked through this experience. Intimacy can be experienced in a variety of forms. Two people are vocationally intimate when they share work experiences, recreationally intimate when they share experiences of play, intellectually intimate when they share intellectual experiences, emotionally intimate when they share emotional experiences, and spiritually intimate when they share spiritual experiences.

Spheres of intimacy reinforce each other. Friends who share intellectual discoveries become more deeply engaged with each other, for example, if they also share experiences that are political, spiritual or aesthetic. Dynamic spiritual friendships yearn for shared experience in a growing number of areas of life.

Like many other forms of relationships, friendships tend not to remain static. They evolve or devolve – grow or shrink. If a friendship deepens over time, intimacy increases in depth and breadth. In fact, growth in intimacy is one of the best measures of growth in a friendship. In contrast, a sure sign of a dying friendship is a decrease of intimacy.

Spiritual friends share with each other at the level of their soul. This doesn’t mean they talk about only serious, personal or spiritual matters. However, if they never share at this level, the relationship is not worthy of being called a spiritual – or soul – friendship. Soul refers to the whole person, with particular attention to one’s inner life. Soul intimacy therefore is built on sharing the inner self. Sharing at the level of their souls means that friends’ intimacy is not restricted to experiences with the external world.

Friends who enjoy soul intimacy never settle for gossip or simple information exchange. Instead they use the data of events as springboards for the sharing of feelings, perceptions, values, ideas and opinions. The conversations of such friends are never merely about what happened in their lives or the world, but move from this to how they experience, react to and understand what happened. Dialogue continually moves from the surface to the depths, from the external to the internal. This is the crucial distinctive dialogue in spiritual friendships.

Spiritual intimacy demands this attentiveness to the inner world. Soul conversations invite inclusion of the spiritual dimension of life when they pay attention to inner experience, not simply the external world. Our spirituality is most clearly expressed in the deep longings that enliven us. Longings, in contrast to mere desires, come from our depths. Longings reflect spirit bubbling up to the surface – when we might theologically describe as a response of spirit to Spirit. Attending to the spiritual is attending to these stirrings in our depths.

Spiritual intimacy involves sharing these longings. It also involves sharing other aspects of inner experience neglected in more superficial exchanges – anxieties, hopes, concerns, dreams (both metaphorical and literal), preoccupations and ruminations. Things that might be counted as trivial are valued and shared because of this attentiveness to the inner world.

Most important, however, spiritual intimacy involves sharing our experience of God. I might tell my friend about a recent period of spiritual dryness in which God seemed absent. Or I might express gratitude associated with an answer to prayer. Or I might share an unusually strong sense of spiritual hunger. This is not the same as discussing theology, church politics or even the Sunday sermon. Genuine spiritual intimacy involves sharing my experience, not simply my ideas. One component of this shared experience will usually be my experience of God.

The intimacy that exists between spiritual friends is a togetherness that honors separateness. I must never view my friend as an extension of myself – my property, my processions or someone who exists for me. This is the basis of the non possessiveness that should characterize spiritual friendships. Without an honoring of the separateness of each person, the intimacy of friendship is destructively symbiotic.

Honoring separateness removes some of the obligation that exists in other relationships. Friends own nothing to each other except love. They are separate, autonomous people. Children and parents own the other a great number of things. Similarly, core obligations define the marital relationship. Friends have fewer formal obligations, Apart from love, they own each other nothing. If they give more than they own, this is a gift of grace.

Possessiveness always betrays a destructive dynamic in any relationship. The fruit of possessiveness is jealousy. Jealousy is as destructive in friendship as it is in marriage. Possessiveness, and the related dynamics of control and manipulation, always reflects an absence of respect for the separateness and autonomy of the other person.

It is important to remember that even the most intimate friendship can’t eliminate the strangeness that exists between any two people. The friend always remain partly stranger. It is naïve to assume that two people can ever know each other completely. Real friendships acknowledge the mystery of the other person – a mystery that can at times delight and at other times disappoint. But it is this strangeness, this separateness, that keeps passion alive in a friendship.

Space always nourishes genuine friendship. A healthy friendship thus honors the space in the relationship. Each gives the other lots of room for friends, interests and experiences that form no part of the shared experience of the friendship. Such separateness is based on the awareness that my friend’s life is not my life. His journey may connect to mine in some important ways, but because he is separate from me, his calling and journey are his own. As noted by Thomas Moore, “The soul ….. needs flight as much as it needs embrace.” Although we walk side by side, at times hand in hand, we walk two separate and distinct paths. True friends never lose sight of this fact.

These are good reasons why we need them so much

More on Ideals of Spiritual Friendship next wk !

Ideals of Spiritual Friendship - Honesty

Honesty

Because friends desire each other’s growth and development, love demands honesty. It confronts illusions and dares to risk temporary discomfort by calling us to the truth. Jesus’ love for the disciples meant that he could not ignore some of the things he saw in them. When he predicted Peter’s denial, he wasn’t showing off his prophetic abilities; he was confronting Peter’s pride. When he rebuked the disciples for their lack of trust in his ability to take care of them during a storm at sea, it was to encourage faith. And when he heard them arguing about which of them was the greatest, his confrontation was motivated by desire for their spiritual well-being.

One particularly striking example of speaking the truth in love comes in the encounter between Jesus and Peter after Jesus’ prediction of his own death. Peter protested, and Jesus spoke to him words that must have felt unusually harsh: “Get behind me, Satan! ….. You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men” (Mark 8:33). Did these words reflect a lack of care, or did they rather reflect deep love? Obviously the real lack of care would be to overlook the triumphalistic assumptions that were lurking behind Peter’s protest. It was love that motivated Jesus to confront Peter.

Love cannot ignore things that are self-destructive in the loved one. By daring to be honest with us, friends offer us invaluable opportunities for growth. They can help us penetrate our self-deceptions and cherished illusions. Just as the retina of the human eye contains a blind spot, so too the human soul contains a blind spot. Soul friends help us see things that we can’t see on our own. There are things about ourselves that we would never recognize without them. The true soul friend will not accept our self-deceptions but will gently and firmly confront us with our soul blindness. Soul friends want each other to settle for nothing short of becoming the whole and holy person they are called to be.

When I reflect on how over the years my own friends have challenged me to grow, I recall numerous examples. Most of them relate to the personality thread that is my particular besetting sin. One good friend in high school confronted me on my arrogance. I deflected the confrontation. However, I took more note of it when another friend a few years later framed the same issue on terms of my detachment. Some years later my closest friend – my wife – prodded me to reflect on the anger that often seemed to lurk beneath the surface.

A pattern emerged, built around the dynamics of pride, detachment and feelings of entitlement. These dynamics are right at the center of the blind spot of my soul. They are sins I could not possibly see apart from the gentle confrontation of my friends. While I was usually less open than I should have been to what these good friends offered me at the point of each confrontation, I own them all an enormous debt of gratitude. My struggle in these areas continues. However, I would be at a much worse place than I am were it not for friends who have dared to offer loving nudges to growth. Nudges are never enough to ensure a response. They do, however, provide an opportunity.

When friends confront each other in these ways, they do so in love. This increases enormously the probability that the interaction will produce growth. If I suspect that my friend is merely attacking me, it’s easy to ignore his/her challenge. However, when it’s clear that my friend is pushing simply because he loves me and wants me to grow, the confrontation is much harder to ignore.

The challenge is communicating love through a critical balance of support and confrontation. Confrontation without support will never be experienced as love. But support without confrontation will always remain an insipid form of love. Friends communicate their love by offering emotional and spiritual support. This includes support for their friends’ growth. However, that support will never be contingent on growth – withdrawn if I fail to make sufficiently good use of it.

Finally, honesty is not just something that friends try to practice. It is also something they delight in experiencing. The honesty that characterizes genuine and deep friendships is not just the honesty of words. It is also the honesty of being. Friends feel sufficiently safe with each other that they can relax and be what they are. Since I am already known and loved for who I am, pretensions can be set aside and I can be myself. Ralph Waldo Emerson describes a friend as a person with whom I can think aloud. This freedom from a need to manage appearances is a fundamental and basic component of all true friendships.

Ideals of Spiritual Friendship - Love

Love

Friendships involve a bond of love, never simply an obligation of love. Jonathan was described as loving David as himself and being one in spirit with him. This made his sacrifices and risks inconsequential.

True friends experience each other as being part of themselves in some profound way. Once I heard a woman describe such a friendship as involving the discovery of the other half of her soul. Plato used this same metaphor to characterize deep friendship: the experience of a single soul in two bodies.

Metaphorical allusions to being one in spirit or soul should not be interpreted so literally as to suggest that apart from such relationships we are missing half of our selves. But they do point towards the sense of deep connection that exists in friendships like David and Jonathan’s. This connection involves much more than recognition of an overlap of interests or values. People can be similar in personality yet not experience any deep soul connection. They can also be different from each other yet experience deep soul connection. Like Siamese twins connected in their bodies, soul friends are connected in the depths of their inner life.

According to C.S Lewis, the bond of deep friendship involves the experience of another person as what he calls a “kindred soul”. He suggests that kindred souls are people who see the same truth – or perhaps better, care about the same truth. Friendship involves passion. In contrast to romantic love, where the passion is between individuals, in friendship the passion is shared in relation to something outside of the friendship. Friends share a love of at least one thing – be it ideas, politics, art or the spiritual journey. Apart from this there would be nothing for the friendship to be about. As noted by Lewis, those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travelers. The sense of being a kindred soul is therefore based on shared passion regarding important aspects of life.

While friends can be lovers and lovers should ideally be friends, Lewis notes some helpful contrasts between these two forms of love, if we don’t push them too far apart. Speaking metaphorically, he suggests that whereas lovers stand gazing into each other’s eyes, friends walk side by side in pursuit of their shared interests. Lovers are always talking to each other about their relationship. In contrast, friends hardly ever do so. Their focus is elsewhere – on the journey they share.

This is clear in the relationship between Jesus and the disciples. While the disciples were more than workers recruited to a cause, their focus was not just their friendship with Jesus. Jesus continually pointed them toward the will of the Father and the kingdom activities that were part of surrender to his will. Their friendship was not simply a feel-good mutual admiration society. It was built around knowing, loving and serving God.

Another important difference between friends and lovers is that friendship is much less vulnerable to jealousy. In contrast to romantic love, friends lose nothing by sharing their friends with others. There should be no place for exclusiveness in friendship. In fact, under normal circumstances, circles of friendship expand as other “kindred souls” are discovered, each addition to the circle enhancing, not diluting, the value of the network of relationships. Each person in the circle of friendship brings out particular aspects of the personality of each of the others. Each can thus be welcomed rather than warded off as a threat.

The inclusiveness of Jesus’ friendship must have been difficult for the disciples to understand. They were used to friendships that were more exclusive, where the boundaries between inner and outer circles of acquaintances were clearer. Imagine their shock when after reprimanding the unknown man who was casting out demons, Jesus pronounced all who were not against as for him (Mark 9:38-40). Imagine their shock when he welcomed sinners and outcast into his circle of friendship. Imagine their shock when women were publicly included.

Friends show their love in an endless variety of ways. Under girding these, however, is a central desire for the blessing of the other person. Friends long for each other’s well-being and do whatever they can to support it.

In caring for me, my friends support my emotional, spiritual, intellectual and physical development. They do not simply want me to stay as I am. Rather, they seek my growth. They want me to become all I can be. They want me to develop my gifts and fulfill my potential. They want nothing less for me than that I become the full-orbed person I am called from eternity to be in Christ. They want nothing less than my wholeness and holiness. What a blessing is it to have even one such friendship!

It is important to note that friendship love is grounded in reality. This begins with the absence of idealization. The great weakness of romantic love is that lovers see each other through the unrealistic lens of idealization. This is, of course, why romantic love is unstable. Eventually reality sets in and shatters the unrealistic perceptions of the loved one.

True friends, in contrast, see each other realistically. Because they know each other so well, they know the weaknesses that are hidden from the view of those at a distance. This awareness, however, does not diminish the respect, affection and admiration that they feel. But they are not prone to idolization. Friends are not fascinated by each other. Nor are they awestruck. They know each other not by the outer garb of persona but by the dependable and relatively stable elements of habit, character, disposition and trait. It is this down-to-earth quality of friendships that gives them stability and endurance. They may be unromantic, but they are anchored in reality.

One incident in the Gospel record of interactions between Jesus and his disciples in particularly striking in this regard. Matthew tells the story of how Jesus called him to disciple friendship, leaving his previous work as a tax collector. Tax collectors in first-century Palestine were notoriously corrupt and almost universally despised. So when Jesus went to Matthew’s house for dinner and some of Matthew’s fellow tax collectors turned up to meet his new friend, the Pharisees criticized Jesus for eating and drinking with sinners. His response is instructive. Rather than defend Matthew and his friends, Jesus accepted their status as sinners. In fact he went further, identifying with them and declaring that it was sinners who were his priority and not the righteous, as it’s the sick, not the healthy, who need a doctor (Matthew 9:10-13)

Such grounding in reality gives true friendships their enormous growth potential. Anything that calls a person to a firmer grasp on reality calls him or her to growth. There is no meaningful growth apart from solid reality contact.

One final aspect of friendship love that should be noted is loyalty. Jonathan’s loyalty to David is at the core of the story’s timeless appeal. The same is true of Ruth’s loyalty to Naomi. Loyalty is always a gift of love. It is a gift, as it cannot be demanded. However, without it there is no real friendship – certainly nothing deserving to be called a spiritual friendship. Loyalty is given to the friend as an act of honor for the friendship and the friend.

Loyalty means faithfulness to commitments, spoken and unspoken. True friends preserve confidentiality, commit themselves to being honest with each other, avoid public criticism of each other and offer each other courtesy and respect. They carry their friends’ best interests with them, always seeking to protect and advance them. They are also prepared to protect those interests, even at personal cost. Loyalty sometimes requires a sacrifice of self-interest. But this is a small price to pay for the priceless pearl of friendship.

- David G.Benner

Friendship - Intro

According to C.S. Lewis, there are 4 basic human loves: affection, eros, charity and friendship. Long overshadowed by romantic love, friendship is easily undervalued, but the ancients viewed friendship as the crown of life, the fulfillment of all that is most distinctively human. Moderns all too often assess the value of friendship primarily in terms of its usefulness for achieving material ends (friends as business contacts) or minimizing boredom and loneliness (friends as people to kill time with).

The principal reason friendship is so undervalued is probably that too few people have ever experienced a significant, enduring friendship. All but the hermit have acquaintances, but typically such relationships involve no more than a passing connection. Most people also have colleagues with whom they work or associates with whom they spend regular time, but this still falls short of the ideals of friendship.

The coin of friendship had been continuously devalued by being applied to these lesser forms of relationship. Relationships between acquaintances or associates involve little of the intimacy, trust, commitment and loyalty of real friendships. Friendships may grow out of these more casual relationships but are not the same. Unfortunately, friendships are also much more rare. Friendship is one of God’s special gifts to humans. Remarkably, friendship is one of the terms God uses to describe the relationship he desires with us. Friendship is therefore no ordinary relationship. We cheapen it when we reduce it to mere acquaintanceship. The ideals of friendship are worth preserving.

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More to come soon

Missions to T.Balai

Blue: Events in order of timing
Green: Thanksgiving

I know with such a "grandmother" thanksgiving "story" to read, it's going to be tough so just scroll down and read the green coloured portion if u know u haven't the stamina to read everything. For those up to the challenge, may the writings help u recall the trip and your own personal thanksgiving to the Lord. Blessed reading.

The slideshows are still available, at the btm of this post thats all, LOL !

29th- 30th Sep 07

The trip was an eye opener filled with so much to remember of various teachings and to apply back home as well as giving thanks for the blessings God has showered upon his creation. I recalled i did mention to a few ppl b4 the trip and said that everyone who is going there will be having different agendas. From the thoughts of blessing ppl to witnessing God @ work to having a feel what Missions is abt to many other reasons, everyone nevertheless took a step of faith and travelled to T.Balai from 29th to 30th Sep'07. For me personally, going there was a challenge God placed to me as i knew i would face some objections going overseas. In the end, God saw me through and not only were my parents supportive of my trip, my dad wanted to tag along to soak in the culture of a foreign land, woohoo, praise the Lord. Of course, end up didn't come cos my mum wasn't as keen as he was. And therefore, i went to Balai just to be used in whatever way God will deem best for the extension of his kingdom.

Saturday

I guess just like during the retreat where i could survive on 4 hrs of sleep, this time round, since i was so used to waking up @ 7am in the morning, i was actually up for an hr when Suz called @ ard 8am. She asked me to info the guys abt the change in departure timing so i took my time to call them and searching for their home no. since not everyone's HP was switched on. Oh well, by 9am, managed to info all of them although 1 or 2 were still asleep so i kind of asked their family members to pass the msg to them. Was really taking my own sweet time especially since i havent even pack yet ! Managed to do so within 10mins and the only thing i was frustrated with in the morning was that my manga hasn't come out yet. For my readers who don't understand, manga is jap for comics. They publish 1 chapter a wk and it comes out on monday in Japan itself! Shows u how slow things are done when they are free!

Managed to persuade my dad to give me a ride down since i was still @ home by 930am. Suz is going to "kill" me right, haha since we arranged to meet at 950am! Arrived quite late, SORRY, and passed some of the cash over to purchase the ferry tickets b4 the 4 of us proceeded to Giants to shop for some items to bless the pastor and Phei Phei with. Had a quick shopping trip which was efficient and decisive b4 we proceeded to Mcdonald's to meet the rest. After most of us had a hearty breakfast, we moved on to catch the 1220pm ferry. Everything was going along smoothly from the customs to the waiting of the ferry arrival. I believe it was God's intention that we arrive earlier so that we could have more time to rest and settle down, prepare mentally and soak in the local air.

The ferry ride itself was abt 1.5 hrs. Most of us slept during the journey though we still managed to kick in some time of chit-chatting and catching up with one another. The ride felt like to me, a bit like travelling on the MRT with all the movements u experience when u stand during the travelling betw stations. So reading a book was a great way to pass time and yup b4 i knew it, we arrived already. Managed to go onto the deck to catch a glimpse of the harbour and the surroundings itself b4 we disembarked.

Felt a lot like the bad old days of going to army again, taking the fast craft to Tekong on sunday evenings, those were the days though i hate it a lot, haha. Anyway, so many ppl were waiting to board the ferry at the pier and the custom was so packed. My 1st impression of the place is how simple and quiet the entire area is. Custom was done fairly quickly with no problems occurring and we managed to exchange some of our money for their currency. Some of the Indo. BnS including the pastor and PP were there to receive us and we had our 1st of many rides in the van to our hotel.

U just have to really give thanks for everything really. From the earlier than expected trip to a safe journey to Balai to the trip to the hotel, everything will smoothly and we were able to settle down in our rooms after saying a prayer for our rooms @ ard 245pm. Had a short briefing by Gail in regards to the nite program afterwhich we went for lunch @ the coffeeshop just beside the hotel. Most of us ordered Indo.mee or bak kut teh. Did some simple maths and wooo, $1+ meal. U can never find that sort of price back home. The only problem was that just as much as the meal itself was cheap the drinks weren't. Meaning we spend abt $3 per person in total. Oh well, must spend to stimulate the economy, S'pore theory, haha!

We proceeded back after a wonderful lunch to the guys room where we had a time of corporate prayer to ask God to guide and lead us through the next 2 days. With the remaining time we had, we set it aside to listen and modify the word that GR was going to share as well as having a short time of rehearsal for the skit tmr morning for the children service. The word was taken from Matthew 19:14 - Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Wz acted as Jesus, JX, Marcus and me as the disciples and the rest as the people who are coming to Jesus to ask for his blessings for their children. Had a fun time acting it out and using our very bad and broken Hokkien to speak the words. But God is gd, sometimes actions speak louder than words and despite the language barrier, we still took things in our strife and did the best that we could for the play.

We had a short time of rest in our own rooms as we waited for Angeline and Gail to come back from house visiting. Wanted to catch a quick power nap but ended up chatting with JX. And just as we were wondering when we were suppose to depart for the church, the knock on the door came. We split up into 2 grps since the van couldn't take so many of us and it was a time of viewing the surrounding and the lifestyle the ppl here are going through. I must say the area is pretty run down and ppl r simple, something which u cant find back home. It's almost like a trip down memory lane where u turn back the clock.

We stopped outside the main road and walked into the inner parts of the district and there was the church, or should i say shop house. It was exactly like those shop houses u find on the ground floor of our HDB flats. In the surroundings, there were 2 outlets where ppl played pool, but other than that, the place was pretty deserted. We just mixed ard and in our best form of Hokkien, talked to the locals who had arrived early. We even greeted the ppl who came for the service and learnt to say "peace" in chinese and offer a handshake as we greeted one another. Maybe, we could do this back home and offer God peace to one another as we come for cell grp every week! Dinner came way too early since we only had lunch like 2.5 hrs ago. Most of us didn't really eat much and a few went to do house visiting as well which wasn't to be since the person wasn't @ home.

As more and more ppl arrive for the service, u could sense that despite the ppl here being layback, they were so hungry for God's word. They came from near and far places but all of them had the same mindset and that was they really wanted to seek the creator and asked for his empowering upon their lives. Well, we werent able to join them for service as we were tasked to be babysitters and had to take care of the children as their parents attended service. That's where we really had our 1st interaction on a more personal basis with the local ppl.

The children were quite quiet initially since they didn't know us very well. However, most of them warmed up to us pretty quickly after the 1st ice breaker game led by Diana which was blow wind blow. They really had a fun time of running ard and even if they weren't called, some of them still ran. U could see how happy they were to be able to have fun and laugh as much as they wanted. We moved on to more games such as what is the time Mr Wolf? and AEIOU. U could see it was similar to police and thief and they had so much fun running and screaming ! AEIOU was an interesting time as well. Though we had to change the AEIOU wording to something else since they couldn't speak it out. The most fun part was seeing their acting and posing. Making them laugh and in their case, trying not to is a great sight to behold. As the night moved on, the Lord added to the number of children coming in to join us and i would say we ended up with roughly 30+. Now U know why God called 14 of us here, to help distribute the load!

Next up, we gave them a time of colouring activity and it's with such an activity that one can witness a child creative side to the max. In their world, there's no such thing as sticking to the specific colours of animals, plants or things we see everyday. Anything goes ! We made use of this colouring to tell them a story as well which was Noel's ark and have them come forward to paste their colouring on the walls below a rainbow we coloured out. Xinyi with Nicodemus's translating, presented to the children the events of the great flood and Noel's obedience to God.

U could tell that at the end of the nite baby-sitting session, a lot of them were very receptivity to us already. They really had a fun time and i was quite surprised when 2 of the girls who didn't show much interest and enthusiasm came up and shook all our hands. From their action, one could say that they really appreciated what we did and i'm thankful that God has pulled the cell together with the different talents we have to bless the children with the little we have and giving us the energy to perserve on to reach out to them.

A little side track here, as a kid, u will remember for life some of the happy moments u had experienced during one's childhood and i do pray that this night will be one of them for these children here in Balai. That they will remember the love and care we have showered upon them so that they too can care and love those ard them from this point onwards. One can call and name this as kindness evangelism. That the way we treat the children would hopely rub off on them and they will in time, display kindness to their peers and ppl they come into contact with on a daily basis.

We had a short time of thanksgiving prayer b4 we waited for the adults from the main con. to join us for supper. So jubilated were we that we even sang the song "God is good" in Hokkien of course, on the mini-bus we were travelling on. Sep was fasting mth so even at 10pm, the place was buzzing with activities and ppl selling food. We ended up going to a place near the hotel for some supper with some not too bad food, can still make it la! Had a great time of chatting with uncle Ben as well who joined us on the table and enjoying the evening away.

We headed back to out hotels @ 1125pm where most of us were deadbeat and just wanted to quickly bath and hit the sack. However, we had to wait for Gail and Angeline though as they had to confrim whether there was any children service tmr due to some unfortunate event. Had a time of sharing which started from 12mn to 1230 am, not bad, 16 ppl, short and sweet, although some of us were a bit reluctant to share initially not because we didnt want to give thanks to God but we know everyone was tired and wanted to wrap up the debrief asap. Oh well, sometimes one just has to respect authority and let them do what they want. Maybe only when they realise they hit the wrong nail then they will know that the method they are using isn't the appropriate one.(I'm not saying that anyone did anything wrong to offend ppl in the 1st place{they don't know our working style anyway}) Anyway, its a give and take thing, we are human beings and we do make errors/wrong judgements so its all abt learning to live in harmony under 1 roof with different characters and working styles. Is that so difficult to adapt to if someone were to ask this? Almost everyone including myself will say Yes and yup that's the challenge God has given to us here in this cell grp. One must learn to place others b4 self and alrighty let's stop this topic here, cos this will expand to a whole new thingy which is not the focus of this post.

Sunday

Sunday morning le! Nicodemus's alarm woke me up and i was super tired and zoned out ! Went to give the rest morning call although this time rd unlike the retreat, i knock and said a few words and left le, didnt bother to wait for reply. I assumed that the determine ppl who set their hearts on waking up and going off early will do so with just a little push. Early morning, my engine really hasn't started. Managed to catch a short time to do QT and lol, Nicodemus, great places u sure can find to do your QT, i thought u left the room on both occasions.

Quite a gd no. went for breakfast and some sight-seeing of the place. Abt 11 in total met up with the adults and had an eye-opener wet market walk. A very large market that sells things that are similar to what u do see back home somewhat. The adults bought their passion fruit along with other items and the rest managed to purchase some items they also like. An interesting walk and seeing some items on sale that u dont find in our markets back home and thats including the livestock. Had breakfast @ the coffeeshop across the market and waited like ages for the indo.mee to come. Spicy and salty somemore. Bad for health! We should really start our sat evening runs asap. By the time we finished, it was abt 9am+ and we went sunglasses and cap shopping.

Dropped by the supermarket on our way back to purchase our indo.mee. Wow, things sure are cheap over here. Of course, we arrived back pretty later and well, someone wasn't happy abt it. The only injustice i see here was that Angeline took the bulk of the scolding on our behalf on the way to church in the van. Was thinking abt coming in to explain the situation but in the end, decided not to. Will only be adding fuel to fire. When ppl are angry, just let them rattle till they lose steam and thats that. In the end, we did get lectured abt it as well.

In this case, God is teaching us once again to put others b4 self as well as being more puncture for him like eg: coming to cell grp/service on time and so on. Will we learn from this, i'm sure we will since the Lord always allow certain things to happen to shape us for the better. The only problem is when will we truly change? Only U know yourself best so it's up to U to stand up and be counted to change for the better, that's assuming that in the beginning one does desire to change the old and bad habits we have and its not just punctuality only.

Sunday morning @ service meant that we were going to be having children service. After the previous nite of interaction with the kids, some of them know us pretty well so it was so much easier to interact with them. And yup, with kids, activities must be action based to keep them focus and interested. So what better way than to make them move around with musical chairs. Just by seeing the delight on their faces, u can tell how much they enjoyed themselves as well as playing other games like blow wind blow. We then started off the time of P&W by singing 2 songs followed by the word and skit. Both GR and Nic did a great job of getting the kids attention as well as translating the word. 5mins, max attention u can get from them b4 they lose it all. May they understand God's love for people of their age.

Afterwhich, we proceeded on to some art and craft where we gave the kids some time to paint some small and nice acrylic. Children just love to colour and its the more and merrier for them. We even helped them to tie stoppers on their crafts so that they could stick it onto glass doors,etc when they went home. Nicodemus spent some time after we had machine dried the crafts to explain the different items and meaning behind them to the children.

As time flew, we were down to our last segment already! Wenzheng taught them the Speedy Gonzalas Dance. And boy, did they love and enjoy it. The different actions and the pace of movement combine with the music really made them move like nobodies business. And it's something which children love to do, that is move around ! But, it is something adults dislike to a certain extent somewhat when it comes to babysitting kids since they are so energetic, makes u feel old right when u try to chase them all around, haha ? Point to note as well, the cell was having lots of fun and enjoyed totally doing the dance along side the kids. As a parting gift, we gave them balloons, courtesy of Chiman and everyone else who helped to inflate and tie them up, of various animals and shapes and you could see the delight on their faces when they receive them.

Imagine if Sunday children service was like this every wk all around the world, kids will be begging their parents to send them down for church! Even parents would be impacted by their enthusiasm. Through it all, the 5 loaves and 2 fishes we have, we gave to the kids and the Lord graciously multiplied the blessings many folds to them. May they continue to have a hunger to seek God's word and delight being in his presence as well as the company of brothers and sisters in their midst.

It was already about 1pm by the time we settled down and took a breather. We walked out together to a nearby coffeeshop where we had some nice muslim bee hoon soup. The size of the fishball is incredible, don't u agree? God is awesome even though we overspent our money alrdy but still there was more available from our own pockets which ppl among our midst gave so willingly. We had some free time left b4 the adult service started @ 3pm so we split into 2 grps with 1 that went back earlier and the other to have a walk around the area.

For those of us who went back earlier, we had a short time of sharing as well as setting aside time to pray for the service that was abt to began soon. And once again, the ppl came in the van loads, hungry for God word. Managed to listened to a small portion of the sermon and testimonies b4 i went off to spend time interacting with the kids. Their simple way of playing and having fun reminds me a lot of our own childhood where we will play with sand and any other items we can find as well as spending tons of hours just running around having fun doing anything we can think of. It's so different from kids at this present era in S'pore! Anyway, a few of us like Wenzheng, Linfeng, Esther and Elena spent time to have fun with the children. It really was a wonderful time of playing with them all the various games especially those the children themselves came out with. Tired we were especially Wenzheng of carrying so many of them around but truly satisfied trusting that God will indeed build up this new generation of his people to carry on his works in their hometown.

Service was over around 5 odd and i'll wait till sharings from the rest to find out what happened exactly during the time where i was away. It was a mad rush after the service, our ferry was @ 545pm so we had to fly down to the harbour. Thank God for the van and bus which drove like lightning to send us there on time safely.

We managed to arrive earlier and even had to wait for the ferry as well. Going through custom was without any problems so yet another thanks upon the Lord to give to. Finally boarded the ferry at ard 615pm and everyone was zoned out. Almost everyone KO out and had a good recharging session.

We arrived back safely ard 750pm and after a short prayer of thanksgiving, we went to H.B. foodcourt for dinner. It was deserted which made it so much easier and faster to grab our dinner. Had a great time of fellowship and joking around, looks like the 1 hr+ of rest was great for everyone. Close to 9pm, we went our seperate ways, knowing that God has guided us through these 2 days and may the ppl there continue to shine for him in T.Balai.

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There's a lot of other things to give thanks for as well as seeing his works up close and personal: God's hand of protection was upon us, given we were foreigners and speaking so much english all the time, we could have been targetted but God didn't allow that to happen. No lose of items and pickpocketing incidents. If anyone noticed, i was walking with hands in pockets most of the time since half the money was with me, very stressful! An uncle from the adults side was sharing with me last wk abt his experience here and how he was almost pickpocketed on the van that we travel ard in. So had to be a bit more careful here.

Another thing to be thankful for is the focus of the end goal God has placed in our hearts. That despite the differences and having different talents, God used us to the best possible way in his eyes and allowed others to add on to our individual efforts so that his glory can be witnessed by the people here in Balai. Despite the many difficulties we have in communicating and expressing ourselves, God allowed our love to shine through and speak his words to those that we come into contact with. So let's continue to walk this life journey, holding tightly onto his promises as well as one another. To be a strong family of Christ, everyone needs to play their part and contribute in their own unique way things God has bless one with, only then we can really grow as a cell for God. Thus, seek to be encouraging and sensitive to one another needs and move forward together as one body.

We overspent our budget but we didnt have to use the love gifts that ours in the cell have bless us with financially. Somehow, though the accounts won't balance, God has provided in this area and it's really great to witness it, knowing how much God can provide if we truly trust in him.

Lots of us came from a week where we were physically drained from work, was falling sick as well as other incidents that happened which were weighing us down. Yet, God refreshed us and allowed us to cling onto him for strength & wisdom to endure through the 2 days. Everyone managed to give to the best of their abilities and by his grace and mercy, we perserve on knowing he is always there for us especially in our times of needs.

Paul energetic personality and enthusiasm in helping set up the place for sunday morning as well as the conversations we have, showed me how much he was on fire for the Lord despite his physical disability. It's something which we can all learn and try to be. Contagious christians that are always on fire for God.

Simplicity, just 1 word only but to us sporeans, it's something we all struggle with. As u look at their lifestyle and compare it to ourselves, if u start asking and placing yourselves in their shoes, would u be able to lead a simple life away from all the gadgets, materials, holidays and other things of the world that we chase after and just be contented with what's available? Is this a challenge from God to change our way of living?

Personal thanks would be the aftermath of the trip. Managed to complete my presentation on monday and despite no rehearsals at all, we still managed to pull it off. How i wish things would run so smoothly all the time, but haha, if everything is going well in life from start to finish, how's God ever going to reveal to us his grace and mercy if there is nothing bad to experience in this world in the 1st place?

Whatever we set out to achieve, i'm sure each one of us have been touched, moved and blessed by what we saw and the interactions we have. Though we might not be able to see the big picture that God has in mind for this land, still lots of things are happening behind the scene and u'll never know, maybe in a few years time and if one has the chance to go back again, maybe an encounter with someone will bring back memories of the trip and how he/she was impacted by you back then. God works in mysterious ways, don't u agree?

We all learn, it's part and parcel of growing up as a Christian so may we continue to be used in the many areas that God will place us in even if our own individual passion isn't in overseas Missions. Let our families, friends, workplaces, schools and the army be the start of the mission field where we are called to reach out to the lost here in S'pore.

Hallelujah to Our King

Missions